Welcome to the exciting , ever-expanding field of ‘New Gender
Studies™’. The following is a collection of the newly politically
correct terms to be phased in over the next 12 months and in all
likelihood mandatory in a university near you sometime in 2015. Please begin substituting these newly correct terms for the old immediately, every time they appear:
Danny DeVito = Feminism
Mashed Potatoes = The Patriarchy
French Tickler = Misogynist
Cornflakes = Privilege
Yellow Cornflakes = Benevolent Sexism
Squirrel = Gender
Red squirrel = Transgender
Badminton = Sexism
Melissa McCarthy = Male
Hitler = Female
Homunculus = Equality
Rubbery = Feminine
Svelte = Masculine
Lube = Intersex
Chocolate = Single Mother
Justin Bieber = Oppression
Tom Cruise = Heterosexual
Bonobo = Lesbian
Charlton Heston = Homosexual
Vigorous Thrusting Motion = Sexual Orientation
Fedora = 18 Inch Dildo
MORE TO COME. SMASH THE MASH.
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I always preferred "my vagina" as the replacement for the patriarchy.
ReplyDeletemade all those pronouncements about, and calls to, "smash the patriarchy" a lot more honest.
Hilarious! Let's publish a revised edition of "The Second Sex" immediately!
ReplyDeleteAnother enlightening re-vision is to take any of those screeds against men and simply reverse the genders.
Can you imagine all the men jumping into the lifeboats first in Titanic, and the hero watching the heroine sink into the dark depths of the Atlantic after she had made sure the guy was safe? Then prancing around and gloating many years later as he recalls the whole thing?